Changes

2013

 

I've been thinking about all the changes in Austin has gone through this year. All those times I wished he would pick his toys up without my asking him to have come.  He puts his food by the sink when he's done because he doesn't want ants or the dogs to get it. He'll bring the groceries in because he wants to help. He'll straighten a messy area because he wants a clean space to work in. 

Along with seeing more voluntary help around the house I've also seen a fiercer resistance to getting blood draws to check kidney function and going to see his nephrologist. I've heard that this would happen since Austin was a baby.  One day Austin would push back and not want to go to his doctor's appointments, not want to take his medicine, not want to be different. 

This month was especially rough getting him to go get his blood drawn. At one point he was yelling at me that he hated doctors, that he hated his life and didn't want to go. As scary as it was, I saw in that moment he needed to feel in control of his life and his body, so I handed the decision over to him whether or not to go have his blood drawn. I wasn't going to force him and I told him that.  

As soon as I uttered the words, "I'm not going to make you go." he started getting ready to go.

The car ride to the phlebotomist was a pleasant one.  The anger was gone.  Austin asked me what my dream car would be.  He told me that he wants a small green car with lots of gaming stickers on it.  I told him mine would be a really quiet one that absorbed bumps well.

I think he chose to go because at bottom of all that fear and apprehension and frustration at being different there is a desire to be well.

Today was a reminder that as scary as it can be sometimes to not use force and as hard as it can be to turn my back on fear, it really is the best way to help him overcome his own.