Feeling Forgiven
2013
I wish I had a way to bottle a feeling. Austin had his blood drawn this morning. He needs to have it done every couple of months to check his kidney function. There is a lot of anxiety and fear and all around I don't want to's the day of a blood draw. Especially so when we're going to a new place like we did today.
Will the phlebotomist be nice? We've run into not nice ones. Will the phlebotomist be able to get Austin's vein with the first try? God knows we've run into plenty who can't. Is it gonna hurt this time?
It went well. The woman who drew Austin's blood was pleasant and smiled; she was able to access his vein with her first try. She acknowledged him, not just me and answered his questions when he asked them.
Afterwards we went to Target to pick something out and Austin questioned me on other places you could get blood from. "Could you get it from someones head?" My heart sinks every time I think about it; "Yes, yes you can, and yes you've had someone draw blood from a vein in your head."
He was just a baby and had almost stopped breastfeeding completely because he was going into renal failure. He was so incredibly dehydrated, which, made his veins hard to access. The nurses at the clinic, after trying several other places on him, tried his head. He was already screaming from being poked with a needle several times and having the tourniquet tied to his head set him further into the throws of panic. He screamed and I watched in horror. Wanting to tell them to stop, but feeling powerless and small.
Being young and single with a baby on dialysis I often felt paralyzed in the face of doctors and nurses and was easily intimidated into doing things I wasn't comfortable with.
I told him if I could go back then knowing what I do now, I would have told them to stop and wait; we'd come back later. He exclaimed, "You would?" "Yes. Without a doubt." He threw his arms around me and squeezed.
That was a good feeling. He felt I had his back and I felt forgiven.
I wish I had a way to bottle a feeling. Austin had his blood drawn this morning. He needs to have it done every couple of months to check his kidney function. There is a lot of anxiety and fear and all around I don't want to's the day of a blood draw. Especially so when we're going to a new place like we did today.
Will the phlebotomist be nice? We've run into not nice ones. Will the phlebotomist be able to get Austin's vein with the first try? God knows we've run into plenty who can't. Is it gonna hurt this time?
It went well. The woman who drew Austin's blood was pleasant and smiled; she was able to access his vein with her first try. She acknowledged him, not just me and answered his questions when he asked them.
Afterwards we went to Target to pick something out and Austin questioned me on other places you could get blood from. "Could you get it from someones head?" My heart sinks every time I think about it; "Yes, yes you can, and yes you've had someone draw blood from a vein in your head."
He was just a baby and had almost stopped breastfeeding completely because he was going into renal failure. He was so incredibly dehydrated, which, made his veins hard to access. The nurses at the clinic, after trying several other places on him, tried his head. He was already screaming from being poked with a needle several times and having the tourniquet tied to his head set him further into the throws of panic. He screamed and I watched in horror. Wanting to tell them to stop, but feeling powerless and small.
Being young and single with a baby on dialysis I often felt paralyzed in the face of doctors and nurses and was easily intimidated into doing things I wasn't comfortable with.
I told him if I could go back then knowing what I do now, I would have told them to stop and wait; we'd come back later. He exclaimed, "You would?" "Yes. Without a doubt." He threw his arms around me and squeezed.
That was a good feeling. He felt I had his back and I felt forgiven.
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